I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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