Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize