I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
