I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
