I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm both gender and math confused
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
