I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
