About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
