38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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