I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
