I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
