Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Boobs are out for the taking
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
