wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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