how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize