Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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