im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
