Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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