Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
