i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
