Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
