he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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