if you like me you must not know who I am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
