I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
