I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
