...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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