Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
handjob tips. give me some.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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