had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
