Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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