dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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