I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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