More tranny stories later!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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