Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
