U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
