I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
