I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
