Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
