I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
