Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
