Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
