Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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