I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
