I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
