if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
