I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
