The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
