I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
