I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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