I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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