I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the day after is always just damage control
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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