Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
