its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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