I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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