now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
