It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
