Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
