i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
