Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Life is so much better after having sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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