And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize