Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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