my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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