I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
