I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
