Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
