I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
