She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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