Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
