Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
