I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
