i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize