i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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