Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
