i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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