guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
