I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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