I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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