Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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