I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
