wat bout pragnant strippers??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
