She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
