Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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