The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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