i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
