so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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