I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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