The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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