My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
