I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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