Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize