apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
