hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
