I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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